Suburban Torture

I continued my weight loss efforts this morning and popped in my P90X dvd for a 60 minute legs and back workout. It made perfect sense to me that if I upped the poundage of my dumbbells and worked twice as hard, my legs and back would magically slenderize, tone and build amazing muscle twice as fast. Bra causing back fat begone! Adios saddle bags! Did I tell you that I failed math? Twice?

After my workout, I was sipping my enigma of a recovery drink (tastes good, yet smells like death) contemplating the fact that I have a flight of 17 stairs in my home and a 20+ pound baby to lift. And that's when it hit me. It is only in American Suburbia that women torture themselves to achieve "the thinness". Keeping in mind of course that the level of thinness is constantly changing depending upon which celebrity is in rehab, has a book, a reality show or new product to hawk.

I live in the Hill Country area of Texas. Hills my butt. If you come from Jersey, as I do, these are not hills. They are mountains. My neighborhood is a veritable roller coaster waiting to take you out in one direction or another. This is where I've seen the torture in action. I once saw a woman huffing and puffing, shoving her stroller with child up a hill. She had added weight plates to the bottom. Weight plates!

There is a group in my development called - and no, I'm not kidding - "Baby Booty Boot Camp". This is a group of women who stick their tykes in strollers and walk while be yelled at by a somewhat plastic looking Barbie drill sergeant. Every once in a while, these women are commanded to stop willy nilly and begin a performance of squats, lunges, crunches, etc... while using their babies as weights! Are we having children? Or exercise equipment? And can you tell me.... do you think they'd have room for one more? Do you think I'd be wait listed?

What's going to happen if any of us achieve "the thinness"? What are we going to do with ourselves? How will we fill our time? Would we all have to get.... GASP... a life? This is something I'll ponder as I compare myself to the women in the Athleta catalog and continue my P90X + Body For Life + FIRM + Weight Watchers diet and fitness plan. Hey, if one is good, then 4 should equal success in what... a month?